Guilt-trip
August 18, 2007 by ivy-baby
I recently got a kick of rejection from an old friend. I have
been doing well the past months, and then, with just one refusal, I felt it
again. The stabbing pain of a clear-cut no. It reminded me of the countless occasions
I have been denied of a time by different people, and the times I rejected some
as well. I must have caused them the
same hurt. And then the guilt killed me. I was able to say a long-overdue
sincere apology to a friend weeks prior to the first statement. I never thought
the self-reproach would still bother me after what, 9 years? He told me it was
okay, it has been almost a decade and the world had changed us both. But I could
not help it- to question myself (albeit way too late) why of all people did I hurt the wrong person. The
guilt-trip was overwhelming, and that was just from a single person I’ve
bruised. How long will I be able to carry the others more? The ones who
rejected me, do they feel the same way? Can you really choose the people
to hurt?
