There is a constant need for a breathing ground. At the end
of the day, one needs a moment to stop being somebody else for other people. And
sometimes, it is important to just be yourself- no strings, no complications,
no expectations, no deadlines, no hurries. Only you, a cup of coffee or a box
of luckies. For the past two years of living alone, I have learned and loved my
own solitude that sometimes I get jumpy when others attempt to break down my
walls. If somebody wants to join my contemplation, why not? All one has to do
is knock because if you force it, chances are, I won’t let you in. Only those
who can respect my independence, and who can take my warmth not as an advantage
but as a sign of my trust are allowed to disrupt my homeostasis. Then maybe, we
can share the same breathing ground together.
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I miss this guy I met and became friends with 5 years ago.
Kuya Reuel Carantes, a musician from the famous 80’s Bag-iw Band. I met him during a friend’s gig, had a chat with him and our thoughts clicked right away.
Among a few people who could dig into my otherwise obscure views (not to
impress me), he was one of them. We talked about a lot of things- his family,
his children, his past marriage, our current relationships then, his band, this
Bisaya girl he met on the bus, his family’s fight on indigenous rights, my
work, my literary art, his music. He is twice my age and yet we talked like we
were on the same level. Getting to know him was a liberating experience. Every
conversation ignites an intellectual and emotional fire. I was always on the go;
never had a time that we ran out of things to amaze each other. There was
always something to think about, to learn from and to share with. He would always
ask if I already have piece he could make for a song, a new poetry to tell him,
a love story to share or a personal experience he could derive his lessons
from and likewise. Sometimes he would tell me, “You are so young and yet you have
experienced a lot that you can relate to my life.” And I would say, “What you
have gone through is not far from mine. The situations are different, but the
lessons are invariable.” I learned so much from him, especially
his continued search for new experiences and his humility.
I lost track of Kuya Reuel
when I came down for medical school. The last time we messaged each other, he
congratulated me for pursuing my career goal, and I congratulated him for
pursuing his band’s new album. Sometimes, when I look back and reminisce on
those very few people who have given me that great feeling of “thinking”, he
tops the list. And I always wonder how he is doing. Maybe in the past three or
four years, he has already gained a lot of stories to tell me, and I can’t wait
to hear from him again. If by any chance you bump into him, please tell him to
message me. I would greatly thank you for it.
